I believe I just experienced one of the most defining moments. Specifically, what I gained from it. I have been a part of sports since I was very young. So much to the point that I would unnoticeably self-sabotage myself. I loved softball unconditionally and blindly. I put my full attention on it when the season came around and even let go of opportunities because of softball. Unfortunately, this was my last season, and I did not get to play a lot because of an injury. In addition, My coach made me feel completely and utterly worthless. I have never once in my life felt so miserable. I dreaded going to practice and even games. However, I continued to show up to every event, which ultimately took up my free time. Practice typically lasted three hours, and there would be around ten games a week. Thus, I fell a little behind in school. I thought if I made myself inexpendable to the team, my coach would appreciate me more. However, on and off the field, he continued to criticize me.
Often by yelling or threatening my position. It was a heartbreaking experience. I used to love softball entirely, but he made me dread even enjoying it. Finally, I got the courage to speak with him about my grades, and he shamed me. Claiming I was selfish and had no priorities, even hinting that I was a liar. I immediately started crying, to which he rolled his eyes. It almost feels like a movie writing it out. However, his response was not letting me play my last week of games in my final season as a punishment. I cried so much for about two weeks after. Until I had this epiphany, Why was I so sad. It was never the sport that made me feel terrible; it was simply him. Then I realized I never wanted to allow someone ever to make me feel scared to address my flaws again. There will be more opportunities and experiences in the future. Instead, I will keep the happy memories of softball and let everything else go. Now, I think I am coming to terms with everything. However, I still get sad thinking about how I'll never get to play again. But I am making progress. I am pleased that I got the courage to talk to him about my grades. I always avoided talking to him for fear of repercussions. But most of all, I am happy to know it's okay to receive rejection and let things go when a relationship becomes harmful.